I Am Just A Failure

It's my 16th Birthday today. I received many birthday wishes from my loved ones, including my family, my relatives, my friends and whoever but too bad the outcome is on the opposite. Mama forgot about it but it's okay. I understand she is currently very busy.

I have already lived in this world for 16 years, but I failed everything I did:

1. PMR! I didn't get 8As because I've got a B for BM. What a huge disappointment to my mum, my friends, my relatives, Petronas and of course, myself.

2. I have attended many DAP talks last week. I was hoping Sarawak could have a huge transformation. I had too much expectation, I prayed, I dreamed, I laughed. But it's not enough to talk about change now. Not even 2/3 wins in the elections.

3. I failed the promises that I made with the others and even myself. I always promised myself to give myself times to do something more meaningful. But I kept finding excuses to escape from it. Big failure.

4. One of the biggest failure is, my best friend, ET. I should have put extra focus and love on him. I should have encouraged and convinced him more before. Now, it's too late. I don't want to lose a best friend like him. I wanna tell him that I always stand here for him. But I failed.

5. From March till April, I took part in many competition, Debate, Coral Speaking, Drama, Public Speaking, Space egg. All failed, Not even in the top 3. I feel guilty especially for the debate, if only I could do it better, maybe we are at top now but it's too late to say something like this. I am a failure.

6. For the SMI, I planned it last year. I wanted it to be the highlight of the year. I called for many meetings to discuss about it. We went to many places, MBKS, SUPP, SUP, TAZA, CH NO. 6, but they all rejected us. I have no idea what to do now. I am a bad leader. A big failure.

7. I'm sorry for my best friend, Leen. I promised her to be around her even after we're in different classes. But I failed. I caused her to tear at a lone corner, I caused her to torn apart. I'm so sorry, Leen, I'm not good friend. I didn't dare to give you a call. I'm a failure.

8. Library Club, once the biggest club before. Now, I can't see it anymore. As a vice president, I should have planned more activities for the clubs. I should have been more humble, and respected all the seniors in the club. I'm sorry. I'm a failure.

I don't know how many failure is still coming, but I have no desire to quit it. Failure grew me up. All I can do now is, give everything my best shot, NOW! I will love, I will care, I will dream, I will live. God, please give me light, guidance, strength, courageous, confidence, guts, wisdom, and many other thing to go through these failures, I want to live a meaningful  life, no matter what, the choices are in your hand, and I will follow whatever you decide. Amen.